Ladies this is Jason Evans -this is Jason in Phuket.
Jason is single, lives in Vancouver, has a full time job, is relatively fit, likes to travel, has a mother who gets the thumbs up in the future mother-in-law department, and as long as you don’t mind him indulging in a little bromance from time to time with my husband is genuinely an all around good guy.
Should you or anyone you know living in the greater Vancouver area wish to meet Jason for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine (he’s buying) please let me know and I will do my best to play Ken and Barbie.
Now back to me.
Similar to our first trip to Phuket, Mike and I grabbed a plane after work on the Friday (only this time we left on time) we got in around 9:30pm found a driver and headed to Kata Noi, a small beach town located about 15 minutes up the coast from Patong. We quickly settled in and met up with our single Canadian friend for drinks.
At around 3am the considerate Jason suggested we call it a night, and did the gentlemanly thing by walking us home. Plans were made to meet for breakfast and quality beach time the next day.
Now ladies - Jason does have his faults and probably one of the biggest is his uncanny ability to be what we call in Russian a “tchortick” or, for lack of a better English word, a shit disturber. The next day, we met up for breakfast with Jason no problem, then towards the end of breakfast, Jason casually mention to Mike that he had a new suit made at one of the local tailors.
Jason – “I got a new suit made.”
Mike –“Nice! Yah I guess I forgot that the tailor’s here are a good deal, maybe I should get a suit for Bill’s wedding, my wedding suit (we got married in October only been worn a half dozen times and not once since April 1st) is a bit loose”.
Risha – “Mike we live in Singapore you don’t need a new suit – you won’t wear it.”
Mike – “Good point.”
Jason – “It was cheap…good quality…”
Risha – “Mike if we go to a tailor that’s going to cut into beach time, remember this is supposed to be a cheap trip.“
Jason - “Won’t cut into beach time there is a guy right across the street and apparently one of the best in town. Really Mike it’s a good investment you will need it when you get back to Vancouver.”
Risha – “We are not going to be back in Vancouver for at least a year and a half plus we are leaving tomorrow there’s not enough time.”
Jason – “It only takes them like 24 hours…”
Mike: - “Well let’s go have a look, we don’t have to buy anything”
End Result:
Mike walked away with a new black suit (Although I have been told it is different from the one he already has as this one has faint pin strip through it) 2 pairs of pants and a new dress shirt and I walked away with a new skirt and a dress………so much for a cheap trip.
The rest of the day was spent rekindling bromances and enjoying beers on Jason’s tab.
Sunday the weather was shit.
Jason had a wedding the night before and an early Sunday morning flight, leaving Mike and I to spend some “quality time” together, as we didn’t fly out till later that evening. We took our time and had breakfast at our hotel (the hotel was playing Asian instrumental versions of Silent Night and Away in the Manger in the background, humorous …) with the hopes that the weather would turn to our favor – no such luck.
After having to check out of our hotel, Mike suggested that maybe we take a walk down to the beach and get massages at one of the huts right on the beach. A bit reluctant, as the sky didn’t show any signs of letting up, I decided to go along with Mike’s plan as the huts were covered and being outdoors was part of the “true” Thai massage experience.
We found a hut towards the end of the beach, negotiated the price and laid down for a little relaxation. Not even 10 minutes later it started to pour. We are talking torrential showers: thunder, lightning, wind blowing, things flying - the whole shebang. It is now cold and the whole “relaxing” experience is not boding well but my masseuse lady shows no signs of stopping – she wants her money.
I look over at Mike (who is on the other side of some Italian guy) he shrugs his shoulders and put his head back down saying nothing. With few options and my bathing suit top now undone I do the same. But within seconds I hear a “zit zit poof” followed by the Thai masseuse saying “no worries you fine you fine”.
NOTE: Should you ever happen to find yourself in Thailand, on the beach in a thunderstorm while getting a massage and hear an unusual noise followed by a Thai masseuse telling “your fine your fine” chances are you might want to stop and take note of your surroundings.
I lift my head up to see the tree that is less then two feet away from my head with way to many extension cords coming out of it is immersed in flames and 100% on fire.
The next 5 minutes can be described as follows:
- The site of the flames causes me to go into reflex mode. I grab my bag and spring off the mat and onto the beach in the pouring rain, leaving, of course, my bathing suit top behind.
- The Italian guy who is lying beside me also is up and soon is at my side with eyes not exactly facing forward and smiling.
- Flustered, and topless I start digging into my bag trying to find something to put on, which of course leads to all the dry clothes that were in the bag getting wet and dirty.
- The massage lady at some point has grabbed my bathing suit top off the mat and in an honest effort is trying to put my top on while I am hunched over digging in my bag leading to little success.
- The two little Thai guys who seem to have appeared out of nowhere and who were supposed to be dealing with the fire are having no such luck, as they are too busy laughing at the topless white girl and masseuse in the pouring rain.
- At some I hear catcalls coming from the surf shack beside us I look up only to be graced with the “thumbs up” from the 4 surf guys – lovely.
Now on most good days:
Rain – I lived in Vancouver for over 10 years, unpleasant but not the end of the world.
Public nudity and being topless– well let’s just say it has never been a concern.
Cat Calls – oh come on who doesn’t enjoy one every now and then.
This however, was not one of those carefree days, as by the end I had moved into a state of jaw clenching, snap show, unreasonableness.
So where is Mike during this time? Well Mike has managed to go to his relaxed absent-minded happy place and miss the whole spectacle. Upon realizing that there is a bit of a situation Mike takes a moment to assess the situation asks if I’m okay – getting no response he follows up with “Oh Bill, how are you? It’s so nice of you to join me in Phuket”
Bill is my father. Bill has been known to be a little grumpy and unreasonable when things are not going exactly his way. Mike has noted that from time to time I too can share in my father’s less attractive traits.
Mike has since come to the realization that, in hindsight, it was not a good time to be pointing out family attributes.
Our trip ended with us sitting in a bar drinking beer with contents of my backpack spread out across the table and Mike and I reflecting.
Phuket is nice if you are staying at an all-inclusive Club Med like resort, and if we go again we would probably opt for something along these lines. Otherwise its not what I would call a relaxing place. You are constantly worried about being hassled, hussled or ripped off.
Do we want to go back to Thailand? Yes, but for the time being I think we are done with Phuket……….next.
Welcome to monsoon season!
ReplyDeleteFor beautiful, non-Phuket beaches, I've heard Ko Chang (nearish Trat, I believe) is lovely (sadly haven't made it yet!). And still touristy but not as bad as Phuket is Krabi/Railei -- I spent a week there and it was gorgeous...
Sounds like an adventure, but remember -- it could be worse, you could be stuck in dirty, humid Toronto like me! :)